Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. – Winston Churchill
I am definitely looking forward to going back to school and having more routine again as well as learning a bunch of new things. Most of my first year was in one way or the other repetition for me. Now I’m finally getting to actually new information and work thankfully. There are a few classes I underestimated last year that I’ll have to re-do, but nothing major thankfully.
School has been a bit of a sensitive subject for me the last few years. While I lived in Helsinki I first started in open university to try out one of the courses I wanted to study full-time, but it ended pretty disastrously. For context: my mother tongue and language I’ve always used in school is Swedish, but I am bilingual in Finnish. It became apparent pretty quickly that I didn’t truly understand what my teachers were talking about and even most of my classmates used Finnish at a much higher language level than I am.
As a person who was always identified as the smart kid, it came as quite the shock. Without going too deep into details: This lead to me getting anxiety and even panic attacks at the end of things. I essentially couldn’t even get on the bus that went towards my school without getting trouble to breathe and crying hysterically. I quit that course after just a few months pretty much, but never really figured out why I reacted so strongly to things.
I had always thought that I would study at a University, either literature or English, but I had to let go of that dream quite quickly once reality hit. Nowadays I am fine with that fact, but it was not something that I easily came to terms with. I did apply to another school in Helsinki afterward and got accepted to do a BBA in Arcada. I realized that I actually enjoyed the studies way more than I had expected. Getting a BBA had always been my plan B, but now it has slowly become more and more my thing.
While there I also went to see the school nurse about my anxiety, which is one of the best decision I’ve ever made. Talking to a professional helped me out a lot and gave a better start to figure out where exactly my problems stemmed from. I am a lucky person since my anxiety is mainly triggered by stress and worry, which is quite easy to control most of the time. I have been steadily getting better since then and recommend everyone to go seek help with any troubles you have before things get out of hand. There is still a lot of stigma and shame that surrounds mental health issues, so I hope that me talking about this can help remove a bit of that.
Now that I have moved back to Vaasa and started studying at Novia my mental health has been much, much better. I have plenty of friends and family here which helps a lot. Novia’s style of education also fits me much better and being able to walk to school is a huge deal for me, so everything feels a lot smoother. I have also really taken a liking to my area of studies and finally feel genuinely wanting to learn things. A nice, little, change I have noticed during this summer as well is that if we have driven past my school I don’t feel an anxiety lump in my throat and nausea at all anymore. I actually feel excited when I’m in that area of town, which is such a relief for me. I finally start to feel like myself again and my anxiety isn’t as much of a bother anymore as it used to be. I still have bad moments, but those won’t make me stay home or in bed for a few days a month anymore.
Now since school is starting I will sadly be changing my post schedule to see how well blogging sits with school work, just in case. I will be posting on my blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from next week onwards. I have however looked over my Instagram a little bit and will try to be a bit more active there instead to compensate, especially in my stories.